Relationship expert Amara Blessing Nwosu shared her thought provoking piece on having sexual thoughts below
When has sexual thought become a sin? If you like, deny it; if you like, tell me I am a liar, the fact is that your teenager is struggling with sexual thoughts and it’s a phase he or she must go through. Being born again doesn’t mean you stop existing in this world; it doesn’t mean you will stop being human, it only means that the Holy Spirit is there to guide you aright and help you not to dwell long in it and not to mess yourself up with that thought. But are you going to stop being human? The answer is NO! Even your bishop struggles with sexual thoughts and feelings sometimes. God who created you didn’t make a mistake, He made you that way. If at a certain stage of your life, you don’t have sexual thoughts and feelings, something is wrong with you. But like I said, part of your being born-again is in your ability to bring your body under subjection. I wonder what some people think that the word ‘Born Again’ means.
So many of us tend to think of our bodily responses as evil. Somewhere in our minds, the physical is bad and sinful; I used to reason like that until I developed a better understanding of God’s holy word. God created our bodies to respond the way they do. Our bodies become ready for sex at a young age, during puberty, which is completely natural.
Please don’t destroy your children by telling them all those negative things about sex because it has led a lot of young people into masturbation, homosexuality, and frigidity in adulthood. I have handled cases of women running away and screaming in pain whenever their husband approaches them for sex. They don’t scream because the man’s penis is too big; they don’t scream because it’s actually painful, their scream is psychological. Two of such women recently confessed to me that they are in that mess because of all the negative things they were told about sex.
Let your children know that sex is a very beautiful experience but they should get involved in it the right way-marriage, when they are grown and ready to bear the consequences of their act. All you need to do is to teach them the word of God and let them be. Stop feeding them with fear all in the name of good parenting (now I know that those religious folks that always see negative in articles like this will twist this to mean something else).
Now, I’m not at all advocating for sex before marriage or people to push past physical boundaries they’re uncomfortable with! The Bible is clear about sexual immorality and that we are to stay far from it. God honors sex within marriage, not outside of it (though many “brothers” have deceived “sisters” into marrying impotency all in the name of ‘no sex before marriage’)
As humans created in God’s image and filled with his spirit, we need to keep our thoughts pure. What it takes to do that might be different for each person. But I think we can also remember that part of the way God created humans — in His image — was in a very physical way. This is something all over the Scriptures, but we’ve watered it down due to the influence, not of the Bible, but of Greek thought.
What I’m not saying is that sexual desire is super awesome so do whatever you can with your boyfriend or girlfriend to bring those feelings on. What I am saying is that it is important for us to have a correct and biblical way of thinking about physicality. Having sexual thought is not a sin; it’s only a part of God’s work in you and it makes you a normal person. But dwelling on it and watching, reading, or doing things to keep that thought permanent in you is what is sinful.
God created sex as a good thing. Our culture and religion has distorted that picture and made sex something very ungodly. Because of the secular culture’s distortion of sex, many Christians have responded by making anything sexual bad and wrong. This is why a good number of religious people don’t enjoy sex in marriage. Instead of talking about our bodies and sex as something awesome and beautiful that God has created for marriage, we bash it for years and years and then expect the negative language and thoughts about sex to immediately dissipate once a couple says “I do” (wondering why married Christian couples keep having problems in their bedroom).
So, my point: How do we think about the physical in general? We are Christians, but has our thought process been a bit influenced by traces of Gnosticism — are we more comfortable with a non-physical, spiritual world? If so, why?
A lot of questions, I know! But our actions are influenced by our true beliefs. That’s why I feel it’s crucial that we take a look at the way we think about these things, making sure that our thoughts on this topic are truly biblical. That’s why I believe that it time for the church to rise and speak to married couples on sex and sexuality. A good number of problems coming to me for counseling emanated from lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage. Preachers, please stop being timid to tell your members the truth they need to hear. If you can’t speak this truth, please face the spiritual aspect of your ministry and get someone to come educate your members on the need for good sex in marriage.
Finally, on ladies worrying about size of penis, it’s not about the size; it’s more about the skill. Good lovemaking is never about macho and king size; it’s about true love and intimacy. Trust me; he can get you screaming with that thing you call ‘small’. Don’t let those porn videos you watch deceive you, there is no intimacy between them and they are mostly on drugs when they do that.